Orange ‘Killer’ Mast Removed

Orange have taken down a mast from the top of ‘The Tower of Doom’ following a campaign by ill-informed, panic-stricken residents after seven people were struck with cancer.
 
Three residents of Berkley House in Bristol, a five-storey block of flats dubbed ‘The Tower of Doom’ by locals, have died since the masts were erected, with another four currently battling the illness. Other residents continually complain of headaches or other ailments.

Ignoring recent Government research, Doreen Sheppard, of Staple Hill Residents’ Association, said: “Neighbours have died of cancer and people are getting headaches. The masts are doing something.”

Following a five-year campaign by the locals, backed by the local authority, Orange have removed their mast, although Vodafone remain defiant in the face of mass hysteria.

Spokesmen for both networks said they took resident’s health concerns extremely seriously.

Both masts were erected in 1994 for a ten-year period. South Gloucestershire Council served a notice asking for them to be removed when the contract expired three years ago, but because current guidelines say there is no risk from radiation the council does not have a legal right to force their removal.

Orange are relocating the mast to a nearby shopping centre, where they can expect less grief, perhaps because shoppers are more likely to blame their illnesses on other random things like walking, the colour of the floor, or the benches outside Starbucks.